


Linast Eir

by InaylaLinyah



Series: Stars, Magic, and Snow [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dragon Age Lore, Eirdhava likes physical intimacy, Elvhen Language, Elvhen Lore, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'll probably write the prequel to this later?, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Infrequent Updates, Its literally just me screaming, Lots of backstory, Lyrium Addiction, Lyrium Withdrawal, Most people are willing to oblige, Pain, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Please Don't Hate Me, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protect them all, She doesn't catch on to feelings easy, She just wants to be happy, She's a bit naive and childlike when not angry at humans, Various headcanons, Violence, everyone is hurt, honestly this is a whacky ride, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-03-24 23:38:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13821870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InaylaLinyah/pseuds/InaylaLinyah
Summary: Eirdhava isn't exactly new to saving the entirety of Thedas, but that doesn't mean she enjoys it. After helping stop the fifth blight ten years ago, she abandoned her human friends to return to her clan, where she grew a certain hatred for humans and their far from kind ways. Ten years can change a person a lot. She returns to Ferelden only to spy on the Conclave, where she gets herself into more than she ever meant to. All the while, she finds herself caught between a perplexing elf and a prickly ex-templar she has a not so pleasant past with. How is she supposed to save Thedas from ultimate doom in these conditions?





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I lowkey suck at summaries and tags, but we'll take it. There's actually a reference for her. I'll put it at the beginning of each chapter for easy access, but here it is right now.  
> [Eirdhava Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)

Eirdhava's eyes fluttered, and she let out a slow breath. Where was she? These weren't her clothes, too thin for her liking and definitely not the familiar leather. No, this was cotton. She sat up, looking around the spacious room as well. Right. This wasn't her aravel, either. This was a shem settlement that she didn't remember putting herself in. Her eyes darted around suspiciously. What had she done to get here? She remembered... the conclave. Her mission. She'd been there. What had happened? She couldn't remember. Her head throbbed the more she tried to drag up memories.

 

“So you are finally awake, Eirdhava,” A familiar Orlesian accent greeted, and immediately the elf's ears perked, gaze falling on the other form who had entered the room.

 

“Leliana! I wasn't expecting to see you here! What happened?” She was immediately excited to see her old friend, despite the fact that it had been years since they last contacted each other properly. However, the grim look on the redhead's face spoke of not so great news.

 

“I wish we could reconnect on better terms, but there are some rather... pressing matters. Do you remember what happened?” Anxiety bubbled in Eirdhava's stomach. This was far from right.

 

“Ah... the Conclave. That's it. I remember nothing else.” She murmured, eyebrows furrowing in thought. Something was blocking the memories, something magical, she was positive.

 

“I was hoping you would remember something. Seems we have no such luck.” Leliana heaved a sigh, causing Eirdhava's eyes to find her once more. “Care to get dressed? I'll explain what we know to you after. We should go for a walk.” Eirdhava hesitated before climbing out of bed, glancing around in search of her clothes. She sighed in relief once she found the familiar green cloth and leather.

 

Readily stripping the plain cotton off her frame, she tugged on the familiar rough cloth, humming in approval. This was right. She slid on the leather guards next, pausing as she went to pull on the one on her left arm. She hadn't even noticed the large tear in her palm, pulsing with a green light. Bewildered, her eyes searched out Leliana, who had been looking amused before sighing.

 

“I'll explain when you're finished.” Curt. It felt as if the redhead was trying to keep secrets. Eirdhava hated it. She simply grunted, lacing the guards up and turning to her old friend completely. She left her hair down, spotting nothing to use as a hair tie, the white locks brushing her ankles.

 

“Very well. Explain the glowing green gash on my hand.” Eirdhava was far from amused, following beside Leliana with pursed lips. She glanced down at her feet as the skin hit snow, toes wiggling briefly to get used to the feeling.

 

“You were found at the Temple of Sacred Ashes following the explosion. You... fell out of a rift. There was a woman behind you. That,” Leliana began explaining, lifting a hand to point at the sky, “appeared following the explosion.” Eirdhava stared at the rip in the sky, lifting her hand to switch gaze between it and the gash along her palm. They seemed to mirror one another.

 

“Some think you responsible for the explosion, others believe it was Andraste behind you, sending you to us to help us with this mark.” A snort left Eirdhava. Andraste. Right, that was likely. Just as likely as the Dread Wolf helping her. “We call it the Breach. With each day, the Breach grows, as does your mark. We believe the mark will kill you if the Breach isn't sealed, just as the Breach would this world.  
  
We have a friend who believes there is power in your mark, that it can close rifts. Tears in the veil between this world and the Fade. He studies the Fade, so I am personally inclined to believe his theory. It seems like the world is falling onto our shoulders once again, Eirdhava,” Leliana mused, sounding almost reminiscent of what had occurred a decade ago.

 

“So the humans are relying on an elf to save them? Claiming their burning woman send an elf? Pathetic. Why should I even help?” Eirdhava sneered, far from fond of the pedestal she was being put on.

 

“Because if you do not, than you'll die just like everyone else. Leliana told me you were a good person, and I'm willing to take her word for it.” A new voice joined, and Eirdhava tilted her head, pursing her lips. Another human woman. Short hair, high cheekbones, scars on her face. She was built strong, clearly a long time warrior.

 

“This is Cassandra. We'll save the introductions for after the breach is, hopefully, sealed. We need to test the mark first. I hate to ask, Eirdhava, but we really need your help.”

 

“Do I even have a choice in the matter?” She spat at the two, turning on her heel. “Let me get my staff then we can go.”

 

* * *

 

 

Apparently the mark, the Anchor as it had been referred to, did have the ability to close rifts. It was an awful feeling, and Eirdhava couldn't help but stare at the gash in her palm, watching it pulse and glow. It was nauseating to look at. “Come, da'len. Staring at it won't make it go away.” A smooth voice said, hand pressing to her back. Right, Solas. The only other mage, and elf, here. Eirdhava immediately felt a pull to him, an incline to trust him. He was like her, although not Dalish. She could deal with that.

 

Eirdhava simply nodded, allowing her hand to drop as she let Cassandra and Varric lead, seeing as they seemed to know the way to wherever it was they were going. Cassandra had mentioned a camp of sorts. She simply kept quiet beside Solas, eyes staring at the sky. She was supposed to seal that thing. How did they know it wouldn't tear her to shreds? Just closing a rift seemed to make the Anchor rip further across her hand. She was just an expendable life to them, though. They were more than willing to risk her life. A mage and an elf, what value did they have in that?

 

She couldn't help but scowl at the sky, clenching her fists repeatedly. She just wanted to get this over with. She wanted to go home to her clan. She could hear the clamor of another battle in the distance. Great. More demons, she imagined. She'd had enough of demons to last her a life time ten years ago, now she had to deal with more. This was absolute shit.

 

Pain ripped through her arm suddenly, causing her to exclaim in pain as her body swayed, hitting the ground after a few moments. The Breach and the Anchor pulsed in time together, making her eyes screw shut. After a few moments the pain died, making her give a shaky breath. “You're alright, Eirdhava. Breathe,” Solas was gently instructing her and she nodded, taking a few moments. Once she trusted herself, her eyes finally opened to look at the elf.

 

“I'm fine, just caught off guard.” She muttered, letting the man pull her up off the ground. He kept a stabilizing grip on her for a few moments before letting go. She cast a glance at Varric and Cassandra, the latter simply nodding and continuing along. The dwarven man wore a look of concern, slowing to walk on her other side.

 

“You all good, Tulip? Didn't expect the pain to just knock you over like that.” Eirdhava quirked a brow at the name. Tulip? Did he think she was some sort of delicate flower?

 

“Tulip?” She simply replied, making the dwarf laugh. He was quite... lively.

 

“Your hair made me think of a Tulip, and while you were out cold, Leliana seemed overjoyed to share stories of you. You seem like a good time.”

 

“Those stories are a decade old. I'm not that person anymore.” She stated bluntly, letting the topic of her past drop. She could make out the sound of Cassandra snorting, but ultimately chose to ignore that, as well. They simply continued up the slope in silence, Eirdhava anticipating the rift at the top. She could feel the gentle tugging at the Anchor, the soft beckoning that seemed to call for it.

 

Eirdhava could handle demons. She had before, when she was in the Circle of Magi with Novia and Alistair. She was capable of it. She just had a hard time with how they seemed to flock her now. Probably because of the Anchor. She pulled a deep breath, reaching behind her for her staff. Might as well get this over with, as well.

 

Hell had long since broken loose in the area, soldiers practically flailing at demons coming from the rift. Lovely. The demons turned to Eirdhava, seeming to sense the Anchor. Did it call to them just as the rift would call to her Anchor? She didn't have time to ponder the thought. Maybe she could discuss it with Solas later.

 

Her attention focused on the demons and shades, shots of ice streaming from her staff instinctively. The white beads on it whipped around with each vigorous action, and she gave a puff of frustration as she danced around the outskirts of the battle. She much preferred long range combat, even though the demons didn't seem to want that. Her eyes cut rapidly across the battle field, taking in Solas who was seemingly mimicing her tactics, then Varric. The dwarf stood quite a bit away, firing bolts from his crossbow. They were quite deadly hits, at least. Then there was Cassandra. The human was fairly skilled at her job. She was capable of throwing the enemies off with her shield and slicing them down with the impressive reach of her sword. They were an acceptable party to her. She could handle that.

 

Eirdhava quickly let her attention return to the battle at hand, swinging her staff around so that the blade dragged over one of the shade's thick skin. It howled at the sensation and swung at her, which she narrowly missed. A bolt of lightning slammed into it from the side, causing the elf to whip her head around to stare at the other mage. “The rift, seal it now!” He called over the noise of fighting. Right, she still had to do that.

 

Turning to the rift, she lifted her left hand towards it. It took some concentration and practically calling to the Fade for the connection to be made once more. Pain shot through her and she could feel some more of her skin split open, more green light pouring through. She grit her teeth and screwed her eyes shut, focusing on closing it and breathing. It would be over, she just needed to wait a bit.

 

Just as the call to the Fade had begun, it disappeared, silence holding Eirdhava's mind once more. Her eyes fluttered open, focusing on the Anchor once more. Would she ever get used to that? She faintly heard the sound of doors, or gates, being opened behind her, only moving once more when Solas directed her with a hand on her back.

 

“Does it hurt?” He questioned softly, managing to finally bring her eyes up to him. She solemnly nodded, lips pursed, not wanting to admit to the pain. A look of pity crossed his face and he rubbed her back in an almost soothing manner. “Perhaps sealing the Breach will stabilize the Anchor and it won't hurt.”

 

Eirdhava had to admit she did quite enjoy the idea of getting the gash to not expand or burn. She could hope for such an acceptable outcome, at least. “One can hope for such,” She mused softly, following slowly after Cassandra towards where she could see Leliana. The redhead seemed to be arguing with... some Chantry figure. Wasn't that lovely? Humans and their religion.

 

“If the three of you are quite finished, I'd like to get this Breach sealed.” She leaned against the wall, giving a tired look to the humans.

 

“You wish to seal what you created?” The man turned to her, bristling with anger. Eirdhava breathed out slowly, standing up and walking towards the table. Her hands hit the wood as she leaned forward.

 

“Listen here, shemlen. If I created it, I would gladly let it swallow this entire world and plunge it into chaos. Yet, seeing as I'm the one with a rift hole in my hand, who's life is at the most stake, I don't think I would have created it.” She drawled lowly, voice dripping with poison.

 

“You must stand trial regardless!” Eirdhava's fingers twitched, and she was having to contain herself from strangling the man.

 

“I will stand your trial after I seal the Breach. Until then, you will stand aside and let me do what needs to be done.” Keeping her voice calm and level yet still hold a level of something dangerous was hard, especially as the human was pushing her patience.

 

“I will see you serve whatever sentence that is deemed appropriate.” He spat and she stood up straight.

 

“And I will be sure to put in a word about you to the King and Queen.” Eirdhava stated flatly, watching his face falter. She smirked, turning towards Cassandra and Leliana. “What was it you said our options were?”

 

“Charge with the soldiers directly to the temple, or go through the mountains,” Leliana explained, pointing to the mountains in the distance.

 

“We don't have time to go through some indirect path that a squad was lost on. Charge with the soldiers.” Eirdhava was quick to decide, glancing toward Solas for approval, who simply gave her a curt nod.

 

“And who said you were to decide how we proceed?” Cassandra bit out, making Eirdhava heave a sigh.

 

“You will not decide by yourselves, plus I have the mark. Come.” She strode past the Chantry man, and past Cassandra, walking towards the gate. She could hear a snide comment from the man, but ignored it. She had a Breach to seal.

 


	2. Old Friends and New Ones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eirdhava encounters more than one old enemy, as well as stabilizes the Breach for now. The Inquisition is reborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun to write, honestly!  
> Elven translations can be found in the end notes!
> 
> [Eirdhava Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)  
> Warning: PTSD breakdown in this chapter!

If there was one thing Eirdhava appreciated about her companions, it was their willingness to follow her. She scrambled along the path, eyes occasionally cutting up to the Breach. The closer they got, the more intimidating it was. She hated it. She also hated the way her body seemed to sing with magical ability more than it had before, calling to the Breach like it was a home. Like she belonged there. The thought made her shutter.

 

The sounds of battle were growing louder by each passing moment. The soft sparks emitting from the Anchor were signs of a nearby rift. Of course there would be a smaller one just outside of the Breach. It only made sense. The pure chaos that greeted her on the battle field were far from anything to expect. Soldiers were getting thrown aside like nothing, shades swiping at them. There were even a few lesser rage demons. The worst part was the shrieking. Not of shoulder, but of demons.

 

It threw Eirdhava off, reminding her of the shrieks from so many years ago. The loud screams as they took out long ranged soldier, them coming out of no where. They were her least favorite from the blight, things she still struggled with today. She could feel her body shaking at the memory, turning almost frantically to find the source of the shrieks. Not again. She wouldn't face them again.

 

“Make it stop,” She whispered to herself. She zoned in on one of the demons shrieking, vision shifting and images warping as it took on a different appearance. That of the shrieking darkspawn. “Shut up!” She cried, not hesitating to shoot a shot of ice at it. Her teammates were already fighting, too busy with their own enemies. It's head spun, focusing on her before disappearing almost complete.

 

Panic seized Eirdhava's frame, a cry of shock and pain sounding from her as it reappeared, slamming her into the ground. She flailed, wildly shooting bolts of ice at it. Just until she gripped her staff right, slamming the blade on the end of it into the demon's abdomen. She yanked it out, letting it plunge in again, and again, and again. Until she drove it through its skull, silencing the loud shrieking finally.

 

It was only then that she was aware of the tears streaming down her face, the sob wracking her body. It wasn't a shriek. The blight was over. It had ended ten years ago. This was... something different. A demon. Not a darkspawn. She just needed to get a hold of herself. She was fine. This was the middle of a battle, she couldn't afford to be weak. Too much was riding on her right now.

 

“You're alright, da'len. They're gone. You need to close the rift,” A soft voice reassured, nearby. Comforting. Eirdhava lifted her head, finding the increasingly familiar face that belonged to Solas. Right. The rift. She turned to the tear in front of her, lifting her hand and flexing so it would close. She hissed, before another sob ripped through her body from the pain of the Anchor tearing further into her. Solas let his hand rest against her back, comforting. She was safe.

 

Her body sagged, Solas letting her do so against him. She hated this weakness of hers, but it couldn't be helped. It was a part of her now. All she could do was focus on what was happening now. Solas kept a low voice, reassuring her it was okay, that she was safe, and to keep breathing.

 

“Solas, is she alright?” Cassandra asked, concern written across her face. The battle was over, and it clearly had taken its toll on Eirdhava's fragile mind.

 

“She is fine, just shaken, I believe. Give her a few moments to recover.” Eirdhava was grateful that Solas was talking for her.

 

“You sealed the rift, Cassandra. Not a moment too soon,” A new voice joined. Except it wasn't so new. Something was familiar about it.

 

“It wasn't me who sealed it, Commander. It was... our friend.” Leave it to Cassandra to put the focus on Eirdhava when she was already panicking.

 

“Ah, well thank you. Glad to see Solas' theories were right.” Eirdhava pushed herself away from Solas some to look at this Commander, faltering upon seeing him. Creators, anyone but him, anyone but the fucking Templar from the circle tower.

 

“Oh. It's you.” Eirdhava's words were bland and emotionless. Despite her previous breakdown and the pain eating at her inside, she stood straighter, lifting a hand to wipe away the rest of the tears off her face.

 

“Eirdhava. You should get to the temple. I'm going to tend to my men. Good luck, Cassandra,” Cullen's reply was tense and forced. A forced politeness to them, their eyes never leaving each other. Eirdhava kept her own eyes narrowed, even as he turned to rush to a man's sad, draping an arm over his shoulder to assist him. Once he was out of sight, she huffed, glare leaving.

 

“So, I take it you and Curly have a background? What is all that about?” Varric pressed, making a scowl cross Eirdhava's face.

 

“We met ten years ago while I was in Ferelden helping Novia and Alistair. We didn't get a long. We met a handful of other time while he was in Kirkwall. We also didn't get along, then. We won't get along now. Less time I have to spend with that tel'athim, the better.” She spat, the insult drawing an amused chuckle from Solas. She hopped down a few rocks, striding towards the temple. First a breakdown and then seeing Cullen was not a good combination for her.

 

“Throwing elven insults at him? That's always fun. What did he even do?” Varric wasn't going to drop the subject, was he?  
  
“Does it matter?”

 

“No, but you've intrigued me, Tulip.” Varric wore a grin, which only caused Eirdhava to grumble. Damn that dwarf and his nicknames.

 

“Long story short, he said some things and I threatened to kill him with a fireball.” She kept it simple. She was not going to go into details. Especially considering they had no time to. Not with how fast they were approaching the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

 

“Perhaps I'll tell you another time. If I live through this entire ordeal.” Was her only follow up as she walked through the entrance. She knew this was going to be a long battle.

 

* * *

 

 

Eirdhava thought she was dead. All she could remember was the Pride Demon, the way the Anchor ripped at her skin each time she connected to the rift. Pain. It was all pain. She ended up fainting after the battle. Besides that, she knew nothing. It had been dark for a while after that. Like she was stuck inside herself. In a way, she supposed.

 

She didn't know how long it had been since the battle when she came to, blinking at the ceiling of the same cabin she woke up in the first time sluggishly. Well she was alive, that had to be a plus. “It's good to finally see you fully awake,” Solas' smooth voice greeted her, her head turning to find him. He stood at a table, mixing what looked to be a potion.

 

“Is everything okay? Did I seal the Breach?” Those were the first words from Eirdhava. No questions about herself. Even if she was angry, she knew she had to seal that Breach.

 

“Not fully sealed, but stabilized. You did very well, da'len. The Anchor is stabilized as well as the Breach, it shouldn't give you much more problems. The physical exertion of that was almost too much for your body, you were out for days. Your body is extremely low on lyrium, as well. It's having trouble producing enough to support the Anchor and your magic,” Solas rambled, walking over with the potion and holding it out for her. She took the bottle, sitting up some and knocking back the potion. Her veins hummed with a sort of content, the Anchor seeming to pulse in approval.

 

“Will I have to regularly take potions?” Eirdhava wondered aloud, setting down the bottle and looking at Solas.

 

“I'm afraid so. At least for the time being. I can specially mix them for you, and give you something with them to help your nightmares.” She should have known Solas would catch those. He seemed like the type to easily pick up on those things, plus he also seemed to have been in charge with watching her while she was unconscious.

 

“Maybe. I don't know. How long was I out?” Eirdhava ran her fingers through her hair, scrunching her face at the matting and tangling in it. She'd have to bathe soon. She kicked her legs off the bed, wiggling her bare feet on the cool floor. They'd changed her again into simple cotton, but she supposed it had been to watch for any health problems.

 

“About a week. You half woke a few times, the first to tell humans to get away from you, apparently. That's when they called on me to watch you. Others was mainly nonsensical muttering.” Eirdhava paled slightly. She wasn't surprised that she'd demanding no help from humans, though. She just felt bad for pulling Solas from any potential work.

 

“I apologize if I pulled you away from any of your work with my... prejudice,” She murmured softly, ducking her head.

 

“It wasn't a problem. I wanted to examine the Anchor anyways. Cassandra wants to see you when you're ready, though. You should hurry, before she comes to check on you again.She'll be in the Chantry.” Solas, luckily, didn't seem all that bothered. Good. However, having to deal with more humans was far from savory. Eirdhava pushed herself up and off the bed completely, walking towards her clothes.

 

“Very well. Ma serannas, Solas. I'll come find you if I need you,” She stated, sifting through her clothes to make sure they were all there and in decent order.

 

“Lasa halani, da'len. Farewell and take care.” Eirdhava hummed as she listened to the door clothes, immediately shading the plain white fabric in favor of her green tunic and leather pants. She found comfort in the clothing. She fastened the cloak once her guards were laced, turning to grab her staff. Once the weapon had been secured as well, she stepped out of the small cabin, face scrunching up at the sudden light.

 

She didn't miss the people whispering around her, a few pointing to her. Irritation bubbled under her skin, eyes darting around. Some bowed their heads and whispered, clearly praying. Creators, what was all this about? Her fingers twitched, but no other move was made besides her strides towards the Chantry. Lord knows what Cassandra wanted to see her about this time around.

 

Eirdhava easily found the woman, following the sound of shouting. Two templars opened the door, motioning her in. Inside stood the man from earlier, Leliana, and Cassandra. “Arrest her! I want her taken to Val Royeaux immediately to face execution!” Of course she couldn't get peace.

 

“Ignore him. Leave us,” Cassandra ignored the man, looking at the templars who simply saluted and shut the door.

 

“So, what are we uselessly arguing about now?” Eirdhava sighed, leaning against the wall by the door. She already knew this would be an interesting conversation.

 

“Your fate, Eirdhava. Chancellor Rodrick would gladly see you executed now, but...” Leliana informed, a small scoff leaving the elf.

 

“The Breach is still a threat. I will not rest until it is gone.” Cassandra's words brought a scowl to Eirdhava's face, glare finding the human woman.

 

“The damn thing nearly killed me! You want me to go near it again?!” She spat, hands clenching into fists.

 

“Quite a convenience for you that you still live though, isn't it?” Creators help her, she despised the Chancellor's voice. She would gladly smash his face in.

 

“The Breach isn't our only threat. Someone caused the explosion, someone who our Most Holy did not expect. Perhaps they died, or perhaps they have allies who still live.” Leliana was quick to defend, and a slight warmth spread through Eirdhava. They had been quick and close friends, so it would be natural for the redhead to defend her, right?

 

“I'm a suspect?”

 

“As you should be, so eager to place blame on someone else, someone you see... lower than you.” Eirdhava pushed off the wall as she spoke the scornful words, advancing forward some.

 

“You were there! You have a mark on your hand to prove it!” He seethed, and Eirdhava lifted her left hand, examining the Anchor.

 

“That I do, and I have used it to help you. Perhaps you should learn some humility, Chancellor.” She wasn't going to take any of his judgmental shit. He blanched slightly, but stood his ground.

 

“Is it just pure coincidence that she survived and has a mark that can magically close Rifts?” The Chancellor was refusing to back down, and it was causing Eirdhava to get antsy, weight shifting from foot to foot.

 

“Not coincidence, but providence. The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour, when we needed her. The Divine called out to her for reason.” The words were probably harmless for Cassandra, but they grated Eirdhava in all the wrong ways.

 

“Your god did not send me! I may not know what happened, but I was not sent by the Maker, I can guarantee you that. I'd sooner listen to the words the Dread Wolf whispers.” Each word was harsh, spat with such toxicity that the others flinched.

 

“Regardless of faith, the Breach remains and the Anchor is all that can close it.” Leliana changed the topic, not willing to let Eirdhava's anger add to the tense atmosphere. The white haired elf scowled, watching Cassandra stalk off into some other direction.

 

“That is not for you to decide. She needs to be taken to face trial!” This man never let go of something, and honestly, it was rather annoying.

 

“I will face a trial when I know that the world isn't going to be swallowed up by a massive rift! Maybe you should get your head out of your ass and look at the danger your world is in, len'alas!” Eirdhava spat, going towards the man, only to be startled out of her advance by the sound of an object heavily slamming onto the table. Her eyes went to it, examining the book with pursed lips. She had a feeling this wasn't going to be particularly good.

 

“You know what this is, Chancellor. A writ from Divine Justinia that gives us authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition reborn. We will seal the Breach, we will find those responsible for the explosion, and we will restore order, with or without your approval!” Cassandra began to advance on the Chancellor, who backed up, looking more and more startled. His mouth opened, as if to say something, before closing. He turned, throwing up his hands and muttering as he left the room. Eirdhava had to give it to the human woman, she was persistent and good at being assertive. She could admire that.

 

“This is the Divine's Directive: Rebuild the Inquisition of old and find those that will stand against the chaos. We are far from ready. We have no leader, no numbers, and now no Chantry support.” Leliana informed, fingers brushing along the cover of the book. A noble cause, at least. Not all humans were idiotic, prejudiced fools, Eirdhava supposed.

 

“We don't have a choice, we have to act now. With you at our side,” Cassandra tacked on, turning towards Eirdhava. The elf bit the inside of her cheek, sighing slowly.

 

“So I'm being dragged into another Ferelden war?” She mused, tipping her chin up.

 

“We have been at war for three years. The mark of it is on your hand.” There was truth to those words. The war had been quite a long one already, and Eirdhava had feeling it would keep going.

 

“What's to stop me from going back to my clan?” Her words faltered some, unsure about that. She didn't particularly trust the Breach to stay stable.

 

“Nothing, in all truth,” Leliana supplied. At least she was honest.

 

“Many believe you to be guilty and would see you killed. We may only protect you if you are with us. It won't be easy, but you have to accept this has changed you in some way.” Cassandra added on. In other words, Eirdhava didn't really have a true choice.

 

“Very well. I'll stay.” It felt like Eirdhava had signed a death warrant for a second time, but that childlike part of her, buried under years of hurt and anger, refused to stand back and watch the world burn. She had to once more play the hero.

 

“Then let us end all of this before it gets any worse.” Cassandra agreed, holding her hand out. Eirdhava paused before reaching forward and shaking it in a promise. She couldn't go back now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, and feedback are always appreciated!
> 
> Elven:  
> Tel'athim - lit. No humility, but in this connotation used to mean "arrogant prick"  
> Lasa halani - shortened version of Sathem lasa halani. (Pleased to give assistance).  
> Len'alas - dirty child


	3. The Search for New Allies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the Inquisition reborn and the Breach stable, Eirdhava now has to choose who she wants the help of to close the Breach officially. She refuses to make a decision, however. At least until she's allowed to see her clan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No other warnings for this chapter, though it is shorter than normal!
> 
> [Eirdhava Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)

The days following the rebirth of the Inquisition were chaotic, to say the least. Everyone was scrambling to get everything together, even with such small numbers. Leliana and Cassandra started holding their meetings to discuss things, and Cullen began to step in on them too. Leliana even brought an old friend of hers, apparently. Eirdhava had yet to find the time to meet her, but supposed they would be introduced soon. Not that she was excited to be meeting yet another human.

 

She tried to keep herself busy, learning the area around Haven, and escaping the humans as much as possible. They all wanted to see the Herald of Andraste, see the Dalish Elf who had saved their lives. It wasn't exactly exciting. She was aware of little else going on with the Inquisition. She didn't expect their trust anyways. Even the day that they flew Inquisition banners. She had stood there, in front of the Chantry with the rest of the authority figures, but she was the most clueless there.

 

Today, though, she was apparently to be included in the upcoming meeting. When she woke, Cassandra was outside, seemingly waiting for her. She didn't say much, just grabbed her staff and followed the woman towards the Chantry. She was apart of this, whether she liked it or not. As they entered the Chantry, she lifted her hand, examining the Anchor, which appeared dormant, at least for the time being.

 

“Does it bother you?” Cassandra's voice pulled her from her thoughts, stopping outside one of the rooms. Eirdhava had to give it thought, staring at the mark once more.

 

“I hate it. I want it gone, I never wanted it in the first place.” She was firm with her words, not hesitating to speak her true opinion. The mark was quite the burden.

 

“I can't say I blame you. At least it is stable. Solas feels a second attempt at closing the Breach will work, only if we have more power. The same amount of power used to create it. It won't be easy to come by.” Eirdhava could feel her blood run cold. They were really going to put her in the way of death like that again? Did she really seem that expendable? Yet Solas had come up with the theory, and his thoughts had been right before. It made her inclined to go with it.

 

With a sigh, she nodded. “I trust Solas and his theories. Where exactly do you plan to get this power?”

 

“That is what this meeting is for. We have a couple of options, we just need to make a choice,” Cassandra informed, walking forward and opening the door. Eirdhava followed, glancing around the room. It did look like a proper meeting, at least. Cullen and Leliana were around the table, which was covered in a rather large map of Thedas, as was Leliana's friend. Deep breath. She at least liked one person in the room.

 

Cassandra halted beside her, nodding towards Cullen. “You and Cullen already know each other, so I won't go through the trouble of introductions. He'll be commanding the Inquisition forces,” She explained, the elf beside her pausing.

 

“Sure he won't turn them into a bunch of mage-hating soldiers?” She murmured under her breath, low enough to keep it away from Cullen's ears. She ran her eyes over him skeptically, arms crossing her chest.

 

“It would be in your best interest to put whatever quarrels you have with him aside. You two will have to work together,” Leliana softly chimed, making Eirdhava scoff, Cullen simply looking away.

 

“Perhaps in the face of the public. Otherwise, I make no promises. I'm already forced to stay here, I'm not going to be forced to get along with people.” It was already bad enough she had to be here with a bunch of humans. Having to deal with Cullen wasn't going to make it better.

 

“I can, for once, agree with those words,” Cullen nodded, a form of acknowledgment to Eirdhava and her words, the elf stiffly returned the gesture.

 

“Very well. This is Lady Josephine Montilyet. She's our ambassador and chief diplomat.” So that was the name of Leliana's friend. It was good to finally have a name to match her face.

 

“Andaran Atish'an,” The woman greeted. Just the small act of respect, of using an elven greeting, made Eirdhava fond of her. She doubted she spoke the language, but the thought counted to her. Few humans thought to do such small acts.

 

“Enaste, Lady Montilyet.” With a small smile, she nodded to the woman, who seemed rather oblivious to the fact that the smile was probably the first she'd issued.

 

“Please, just Josephine is fine.” She laughed softly, fingers tapping the clipboard in her hand. Eirdhava nodded, making a mental note of that.

 

“Then you clearly know Leliana,” Cassandra nodded to the redhead.

 

“Glad to be working with you once more, Eirdhava. My position requires a degree of...” Leliana was fishing for words, clearly trying to keep some sort of her job hidden.

 

“She's our spymaster,” Cassandra supplied, and Leliana nodded, seemingly approving of the title. “I mentioned that you needed power for your mark in order to close the Breach.”

 

“Which means we should approach the rebel mages,” Leliana added on, and Eirdhava had to agree. After all, magic being poured into a magical object seemed like the most logical choice.

 

“I still disagree. The templars could serve just as well as the mages,” Cullen chimed in his own opinion, leading to a couple of frustrated sighs.

 

“We need power poured into that mark, Commander. Enough magic could-”

 

“Could destroy us all. The templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so that-” Cullen interrupted Cassandra's words, adamant on defending his point with the templars.

 

“That is only pure speculation, Commander.” Leliana's voice was next to chime in, defending her side just as Cullen was his.

 

“I was a templar, I know what they're capable of,” He sounded exasperated, seeming to know he was fighting a rather unsuccessful battle.

  
“You were a prejudiced templar, Commander. How are you so sure that the templars would even desire to help a mage?” Eirdhava challenged, head tilted and eyes blazing.

 

“Maker, Eirdhava, that was ten years ago! Can you not drop it?” He snapped, causing Eirdhava to clench her fists.

 

“Yet you still lived by that prejudice in Kirkwall, did you not? Are you trying to tell me you've changed in just three years, Commander? I think it takes more time than that to change such a strong and hateful opinion.” She stepped forward and silently dared him to argue back. She would give most anything to be given the opportunity to land a punch on him.

 

“That's enough, both of you. We already have enough problems without the two of you at each others throats. We need to focus on the matters at hand,” Cassandra scolded the two of them harshly, which immediately resulted in Cullen backing down. Eirdhava hesitated, eyeing Cassandra for several moments before giving a slight nod and huff.

 

“Very well.” She conceded, stepping away from the table that was serving as a barrier between Cullen and her.

 

“Now that that's sorted, back to the matter at hand. Neither the templars or mages would contact us currently. The Chantry has denounced us, more specifically Eirdhava,” Josephine took reign of the conversation, steering it in the direction it needed to be.

 

“Because people believe me to be the Herald of Andraste?” Eirdhava posed the question lightly, though distaste laced her words. She did not like the title at all.

 

“Yes, the thought of a Dalish Elf being sent by the Maker and Andraste frightens the Chantry. They've deemed it blasphemy, while we are heretics for harboring you.” Josephine elaborated. So, now they were heretics with no support. This didn't exactly bode well, yet Novia and Alistair had very little support in the beginning as well. Optimism would be needed here.

 

“I have no doubt it was done by Chancellor Roderick,” Cassandra sounded disgusted, making Eirdhava nod.

 

“I wouldn't be too surprised if that were the case. He does seem rather exasperated by our very existence,” She mused, turning her gaze back towards Josephine.

 

“Our options are currently limited, so we cannot approach the mages or the templars for help.” So they'd have to get some sort of leverage to even be able to do such.

 

“What makes everyone thing I'm the Herald of Andraste?” Eirdhava muttered, walking towards the table to stare at the map.

 

“People saw that you stopped the Breach from growing, and paired with the story of the woman behind you in the rift, they drew their own conclusions and began to spread them.” Cassandra's explanation was simple, and Eirdhava merely sighed. Lovely.

 

“Everyone is talking about you, and your title, now,” Leliana added.

 

“I'm aware.” Eirdhava stated blandly, lips drawn into a straight line.

 

“What even are your thoughts on the title anyways?” Cullen pressed the question. Eirdhava didn't even need to think on it, but she did stop to shoot him a look.

 

“Bullshit. Just like the rest of this. I'm not the Herald of your damn burning woman,” She spat at him, holding his gaze.

 

“I'm sure the Chantry, and I, are quick to agree to such a view.”

 

“The people want hope, and for quite a few, you're that hope.” Leliana quickly derailed Eirdhava and Cullen from such direct conversation, clearly not wishing another argument.

 

“While for others, you represent everything that's gone wrong,” Josephine added.

 

“Yes, worry about the Dalish Mage when there's a giant hole in the sky. What a great idea,” Eirdhava sarcastically mused with a bitter laugh. That sounded exactly like something the shems would do.

 

“They do worry about it, they just don't think we can fix it,” Cullen pointed out, resulting in the elf's acknowledging hum

 

“The Chantry is trying to spread word that you'll make it worse,” Josephine once more chimed. Of course the Chantry would try to denounce the Inquisition and Eirdhava.

 

“You can do something, though. A Chantry Cleric, Mother Giselle, has asked to speak to you. She is in the Hinterlands, and knows those involved better than I do. Her help would be invaluable.” Leliana explained. A member of the very thing that had called them practically insane wanted to help. That didn't exactly sound promising.

 

“When you're there, you should look for ways to expand the Inquisition influence,” Cullen was adding in, and she wanted to argue, but there was nothing wrong with that statement.

 

“We need more agents to extend our reach, and you're best equipped to do that.” Josephine had such faith in her. At least someone did without impeding on everything she was.

 

“In the meantime, we should look for other options. We aren't leaving this all to her,” Cassandra was firm. Did she not trust her?

 

“Do you not trust me to make a decision, Cassandra? After all, this is my life on the line first,” Eirdhava started defensively, glowering at her.

 

“It is not that I do not trust you, I just feel the responsibility is best shared,” Cassandra defended, making Eirdhava back down slightly. She would believe that for the time being.

 

“Fine. However,” Eirdhava talked, quickly preventing anyone from leaving yet, “If you want me to play a pawn for you in Ferelden, I have one demand.”

 

“Which is?” Josephine asked, head tilted.

 

“You let me go back and see my clan.” Her eyes turned to look for objections.

 

“How can we trust you to not stay there?” Cassandra questioned, growing quickly defensive and skeptical.

 

“I agree with Cassandra. I'm not entirely trusting of you.” Cullen agreed. Eirdhava's fiery gaze found him, scowl marring her face immediately.

 

“What good would come from me running away? Nothing. If you're so doubtful, you and a few of your men can come with me. I need to see my clan.” She was firm in her words. There was hesitance, the humans looking among each other warily. Finally, Cassandra sighed.

 

“Very well, Eirdhava. After that you have to go to the Hinterlands, then.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much shorter chapter, but there was nothing else for me to add for the time being. I'm really excited for the next chapter, and I should have it posted in a day or two!


	4. Da Fen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eirdhava finally reaches the Free Marches with her companions, finally able to contact her clan and sort things out, and reunite with some of her close friends. She even gets a chance to show who she truly is, and work through a few personal problems. Of course, not everything is ever going to go peacefully, and disaster seems to have a habit of following the elf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Right after the last chapter I had to drive back up to my hometown and then I got some major writer's block. I've also been dealing with a lot mentally and emotionally while looking for a job, so I also apologize for that. But it's finally here! To make up for the last chapter being short and the delay, I bring you: a nearly 4000 word chapter!
> 
> Adrith belongs to my best friend! I'll try to get some like, reference images for him later! I'll have to collaborate with my friend about that.  
> And as always, [Eirdhava's Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)

In order to actually visit her clan in the Free Marches, Eirdhava had to make a few compromises. She had to bring Cullen, Cassandra, and Solas. She wasn't exactly happy with bringing Cassandra, but she could deal. She was ecstatic to bring Solas. She considered him a friend. The worst part was Cullen. She detested the man, and wanted to avoid him if at all possible. The trip would be long, though, so she would have to deal with it. She had, at least, gotten more approval by reasoning they could do some recruitment and what not during travels. Most seemed to be contented with that.

 

Even with that decision, Eirdhava did try to keep to herself. She wasn't exactly the most agreeable of sorts most of the time, and she had no idea why they thought she would be good for the job. Nonetheless, she would try to keep an eye out for opportunities. Not like there were exactly very many. Most of her work included closing rifts that would pop up.

 

The rifts proved to be a learning experience for both her and Solas. They had begun to discover quite a few various things about the Anchor, which was good. She had found her chances to sit down with him quite plentiful, and would often talk with him as they rode on borrowed horses. They had learned that once the Anchor began to connect with the rift, it wouldn't stop until the rift had been effectively disturbed or closed. That was fine, though. It wasn't an inconvenience to her. They also worked on studying how demons would react to the Anchor, the way they seemed to swarm her more as the Anchor expanded. It also grew a little with each use. Not enough to matter too much. It was far better than what it had been earlier.

 

Now, though, they were sitting on their horses, going at a fairly steady pace towards where Eirdhava knew her clan to be. It wouldn't be too long before they reached them, and there was untamed anticipation in the pit of her stomach. It felt like it had been so long since she'd seen her clan, when in reality it hadn't been that long. Time with the Inquisition, even though it was still considered in its infancy, seemed to pass slower. Her eyes searched the horizon, growing increasingly restless.

 

“You are excited to see your clan again?” Cassandra asked, far from scornful though. Curious, perhaps.

 

“Yes. They are my lethal'len after all. They are all I have for a family. Each day away from them is slow and hurts,” Eirdhava softly said, fingers gripping the reins in her hands tighter. “I should warn you that while we do have good relations with shemlen, we are still Dalish and don't always like to spend extended time with them. My clan can be as prejudiced as any others. Just as a templar can like a mage while the rest hate, one of my lethal'len can hate shemlen just as one can like. Keep that in mind and tread lightly when you meet them.” Her eyes left the horizon to find the ex templar a little to her right. “Mind that my clan has more mages than most. It would be wise to keep some comments to yourselves.”

 

Cullen turned his head, meeting her gaze with a narrowed one. He didn't say anything, though annoyance shined in his eyes. Good, she'd struck the nerve she had meant to. She simply smiled, clearly amused with herself, before turning to watch for signs of her clan. She recognized the land, at least. They were well within hunting territory for the clan, making Eirdhava pay particularly close attention to everything. Who knew who she could potentially run into out here?

 

“Da Era'lan?” A male voice called out from behind, Eirdhava's ears twitching as her head turned. Behind them stood a rather tall elf, gray hair flipped to the side. His face was marred with various scars and light blue vallaslin, dotted with piercings as well. A deer was flung over his shoulder, signifying his role as a hunter for the clan. Eirdhava's face split into a grin, and she hurried to dismount her horse.

 

“Herald, is that a wise idea-” Cassandra started, making to stop the elf. It was too late, though. There was the thud of the deer hitting the ground as Eirdhava threw herself at the hunter, practically wrapping herself around him. He caught the hug easily, clearly used to such acts.

 

“Da Fen! I missed you!” She was clearly ecstatic, clinging onto his form for a few moments longer. It took a few heartbeats before she was completely on the ground, head tilted to meet his eyes with a smile that screamed affection.

 

“I missed you too,” He smiled at her, hand landing on her hair and ruffling the already wild mess of white strands. She only seemed to beam at him though. His gaze moved from her to the group behind her, all of them clearly on guard and unsure. “Have your... companions been treating you well?”

 

Eirdhava's gaze also followed, the smile on her face falling quickly. “Well enough, I suppose. That's Solas, and that's Cassandra. That's... Commander Cullen.” She took her time to point to each of them, Solas dipping his head with a quiet greeting, Cassandra nodding, and Cullen simply staring.

 

“I see. I'm Adrith,” Adrith, as he introduced himself, kept his words short, clearly no less thrilled by their presence than Eirdhava had ever been. “Camps in about the same spot. Keeper Deshanna will be in there somewhere with the new Second. I'm sure she'll be pleased to see you,” His attention turned back to Eirdhava, reaching down and scooping up the deer.

 

“You stepped down as Second?” Eirdhava blinked, eyes wide with shock. Adrith had always loved being Second to the Keeper. He hadn't always been such, stepping down from his position as First so that Eirdhava could follow the path she seemed to be set for. Perhaps he wasn't set for being in line for Keeper at all? She knew the cases existed where a magically adept elf would choose the path of a Hunter. It seemed that this path had been one for Adrith.

 

“It felt right. We can talk about it later. Until then, head to camp and find the Keeper.” Adrith nodded, ruffling Eirdhava's hair one last time before stepping around them. The white-haired elf paused for a few moments to watch him leave. With a sigh, she turned back to her horse, climbing onto it and urging it forward.

 

“Let's go, then.” She said firmly, taking off ahead of her companions.

 

* * *

 

Actually returning to her camp was such a good feeling, Eirdhava immediately milling with her people. A smile split her face constantly as she readily accepted hugs and shared kisses on the cheek, eyes bright and lively. This is where she belonged, and one could easily tell she felt most comfortable here. It was easy for her to forget the pressing matter of the Breach.

 

“Eirdhava, you're back,” An older voice finally greeted, making Eirdhava immediately light up.

 

“Keeper!” She said, turning to the older elf with a grin. The older woman held a soft smile for her apprentice, gently taking her hand and leading her to sit with her.

 

“I have heard about the Inquisition. Word of it has traveled fast among the Shem. Your title... the Herald of Andraste. How do you feel about it?” She questioned, tone similar to that of a mother's. Deshanna had always been like a mother to Eirdhava, and moments like these were when it showed.

 

“You know I don't like shemlen. I... hate the title, but I cannot denounce it. I am stuck with it,” She sighed, looking down.

 

“Yet you help them all the same,” She observed, brown eyes boring into the white-haired elf.

 

“I have no choice. The Breach threatens to destroy our world, and I'm the only one who can seal it. I cannot live to see the world devolve into chaos,” She tilted her head, looking at the sky this time. The Breach could even be seen here. It was... horrible. She didn't even realize it was such a large mark.

 

Deshanna's hand gently touched Eirdhava's face, fingers brushing the scar on her cheek almost thoughtfully. “You haven't changed. You pretend to, but inside you still want to help and save people. Just as you did with the Fifth Blight. The shemlen don't deserve you, yet they take you from me for a second time. Don't let them corrupt you, da'len, no worse than they already have.” Her words were soft and caring, and a soft smile was on the woman's face. Eirdhava returned it, small tears pricking her eyes. This was actually a proper goodbye from her keeper.

 

“I won't. I'm strong,” She whispered her promise, nodding softly.

 

“I know you are, da'len. While you're gone I'm going to be training Ny'ari as my first,” Deshanna explained. Ny'ari was the new Second, a young elf with black curls on his head, and excitable brown eyes. He had a passion, and Eirdhava had to admire it.

 

“He'll do good. Thank you, Deshanna,” She murmured softly, taking a deep breath.

 

“Of course, da'len. Keep an eye on your companions, though. Danger can take unlikely forms.” The woman's words made a small shiver run up Eirdhava's spine, her gaze turning to find the companions. Cassandra was reclined against a tree, reading a book and seeming to keep to herself. Solas was talking to a few of the elder's, no doubt sharing stories of his adventures in the Fade. Cullen was... occupied by children, their giggles excited as they clamored around for his attention, demanding he tell a story or play with them. They were lively, but Cullen seemed willing to oblige. The small interaction between him and her people, the future of her clan, was something that made her feel a little softer towards him. Perhaps he wasn't as spiteful as she made him out to be. Judging by their interactions, though, it was hard to tell who the keeper meant.

 

“I'll keep my wits about me. Ma serannas.” She dipped her head in thanks, which Deshanna responded to with a nod. Eirdhava stood up, weaving along some of the hunters. They were excited to see her again, hands brushing her hands and arms and shoulders in affectionate gestures. The Lavellan clan was extremely close and tight knit, despite they're growing size. Eirdhava took pride in the fact that her clan was among one of the bigger ones. Her clan members spoke praises and words of good will, some offering gifts and tips, giving her their wisdom. Being the First, as well as helping with the Fifth Blight, had made her highly regarded. Now she was on another mission, which only brought more attention and expectations.

 

“Eirdhava!” A small voice asked, and the woman turned to find a young elf, maybe 6 or 7, with crazy locks of brown hair gazing at her excitedly. The child gave a grin, showing off her missing front teeth, reaching for her hand.

 

“Come listen to the stories the blonde man is telling to us! Please?” She demanded, pointing towards Cullen. She lifted her gaze to look at the man who was sitting on the ground, excited kids gathered around him and listening attentively. Eirdhava immediately wanted to say no, keeping her face neutral. Of course, when she looked to wide amber eyes staring up at her expectantly, she sighed.

 

“Alright, Ivuna. Come on,” Eirdhava relented, walking with the excited girl to the gathering of children. She glanced at Cullen, who looked up to her at the approach. They simply nodded, and she sat in the grass as well, Ivuna settling on her lap. She listened to Cullen talk to the kids, telling stories of his adventures in Kirkwall. At least he had chosen a mostly peaceful time in his life. Kirkwall wasn't too troublesome, not until a few years ago. He seemed so fond to talk to the children who were just as fond to listen. The last decade had changed the man, in multiple ways. He seemed to be tired more, not that she could blame him. It was still hard to tell exactly how much he had changed yet, though. She wasn't sure she really wanted to find out.

 

“...'ava! 'Ava!” A soft voice called Eirdhava from her thoughts, making her shake her head and blink. She looked down at Ivuna, who gave her a cheeky grin. “How'd you and Cullen meet?” She cooed, clearly anticipating the answer. Eirdhava's gaze cut to Cullen for a brief second, before returning to the kids who were now watching her intently. Expectant. Just as Cullen.

 

“I never told you? Cullen and I met ten years ago, before most of you were even born! When I was off fighting the Fifth Blight with Novia and Alistair, we went around and saved many people from a lot of nasty things.” Eirdhava had quickly made the decision to keep the truth partially hidden. These kids didn't need to be introduced to the hate and anger she felt. Besides, they were already enraptured by the story. “Cullen was a templar in Ferelden's Circle of Magi. Things weren't going well, though. There was a problem with demons, and they needed help badly. Novia, Alistair, our friend Leliana, and myself decided we could help with that. We entered the tower and stopped the demons, just to save those inside.

 

It wasn't just us, though. Some of the templars fulfilled their duties and helped with the demons. Cullen was one of those templars, and he took care of as many he could. He helped us defeat those that needed to be dealt with, and save those who needed to be saved,” Eirdhava animatedly told the story, slipping in small lies and exaggerations. She glanced briefly at Cullen, who seemed almost shocked about the fact she was hiding their less than friendly meeting. She couldn't blame him. The children seemed content with this answer, some scrambling up and declaring they wanting to play a game based off the story. Eventually most of the children were in the clearing, tumbling around and squealing nonsense about demons and templars. It was an endearing sight to say the least.

 

“I would not have expected you to lie about the fact you dislike me,” Cullen finally mused, scooting forward to sit beside Eirdhava. It wasn't exactly spoken in a friendly tone, but it wasn't hostile.

 

“I'm not willing to subject the youth of my clan to hate and anger that they have no justification to feel. They already have such short spans to be innocent. Maybe similar to that of a mage child. I wouldn't see them live it angry and hateful at humans,” She spoke softly, eyes watching the children run around.

 

“Yet you hold that hate and anger even after many years.” His observation wasn't wrong, but it wasn't pleasant, either. Her gaze left the children, landing on the ex-templar beside her.

 

“I have my reasons, Commander. I am the epitome of everything an Andrastian human hates. A mage and a dalish elf. The way people look at me, push me around and keep me below them. It's awful and despicable. Despite the fact I saved them from the Fifth Blight, they do not care. All there see are my ears and tattoo, the magic pumping through my veins. They do not care to see anything else. Even as I go to save their lives for the second time in my life span. Can I be blamed for being full of anger and hate?” She muttered, holding eye contact with the man. He blinked, obviously not having considered this stance in the past.

 

“Not every human is like that,” He pointed out quietly.

 

“No, not all, but most. I expect to be surrounded by hate, so I radiate the hate I am given. If I am shown respect and equality, I return it.” There were several people who had earned such treatment. Anders from Kirkwall had been one, Leliana, Novia, and Alistair as well. Josephine was quickly earning that, as well. She was sure she'd meet plenty more, but they had to earn it.

 

“You have to give people a chance to show you that equality, Eirdhava. People change,” Cullen's words were gentle. Himself. He was talking about himself.

 

“Can one blame me for my wariness?” She mused and caused Cullen to sigh.

 

“No, but you should still give us a chance. We're not all evil,” He was persistent and Eirdhava couldn't decide if it was annoying or admirable.

 

“And how have you changed, Cullen? You still seem to actively disapprove of mages,” She sneered, seeming to grow more defensive.

 

“I am wary, not hateful. My first words to you were... not right, I admit.” Cullen's eyes avoided her, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Yet I do not blame myself for saying them at the time. Just as you can't be blamed for your initial aggression, I cannot be blamed for my distrust.” A frown marred Eirdhava's face. He was right. Not that she would admit to such aloud.

 

“If you want me to not dislike you so strongly, I suggest you earn it and prove to me that it'd be worth my time,” She muttered with distaste, pushing herself off the ground. “We will be leaving tomorrow. Be sure you're ready.” She switched from the personal topic to something strictly professional. Cullen sighed but nodded, and Eirdhava easily walked away, immersing herself among the children.

 

* * *

 

As the night progressed, Eirdhava continued to entertain the children. They would dance around the fire, some singing Elven songs. She even sat and did small magic tricks for them, playing with flashes of light and fire, flicking small bits of snow at the children who simply giggled. All the while, Cullen sat and watched, brows furrowed. This version of Eirdhava was completely different from the one at Haven. She was lively, caring. Someone who seemed to enjoy life, not hate it and everyone else. Not that he could blame her. These were her people, where Haven was full of strangers. Strangers forcing their religion and opinions and beliefs on her.

 

“You have been staring for a long time, Commander. What is plaguing you?” Cassandra's thick accent brought Cullen out of his thoughts, gaze moving to the curious woman.

 

“I have known Eirdhava for years, and I have not once seen her as care free as this. Not even when we first met,” He muttered, brown eyes once more finding Eirdhava, watching her get tackled by children.

 

“In the tower?” She asked, prompting a distracted nod from the Commander.

 

“Haven is a foreign place, full of the types of people she hates. People forcing their religion on her, their thoughts and beliefs. Their opinions. Their prejudices. We're asking her to save us and fight for us, while we put her in stressful situations. Perhaps we should... try to think of her more than we have,” Cullen explained, making Cassandra pause. She seemed to be thinking carefully on the words.

 

“Perhaps we should. Was this spurred on by your conversation earlier this afternoon, Cullen?” She lifted a brow.

 

“It was. I have a past to make up for. Maybe holding onto our grudge against each other would be a bad choice. Not only for us, but for the entire Inquisition as well.” Cassandra simply grunted and nodded, allowing for Cullen to focus on Eirdhava once more in silence.

 

* * *

 

The night had progressed quickly, the children finally filing away with sleepy eyes. Eirdhava knew most of them would be disappointed when she left tomorrow, but there wasn't time to linger. She now sat tiredly by the fire, leaned against Adrith. Children were always so much work.

 

“Still fond of children, I see,” he mused, and she chuckled softly.

 

“You talk as if I've been gone for ages,” She mused, shutting her eyes and clutching her drink.

 

“Well, I was on a mission while you were sent off. It has been a while either way,” Adrith muttered, and she couldn't help but nod. That was right. Almost two months before she was sent to spy on the Conclave, Adrith had been sent on a long term mission. He must have come back shortly after she left. She would have liked to have been able to greet him.

 

“True. Speaking of, why did you step down as Second?” Eirdhava tilted her head, looking up at the older elf curiously.

 

“When I was on my mission I spent a lot of time with groups of hunters. They taught me what I knew, and I used that and magic. It felt more appropriate for me. I don't want to be Keeper. That's not a responsibility I could handle,” He explained. Eirdhava nodded along, hand fluttering to her mouth to mask a yawn. It made sense. Adrith was never too crazy about the responsibilities that came with being Keeper. She could accept that reasoning easily.

 

“I see. So you hunt for the clan now? That sounds right. You have fun doing it?” She questioned. Adrith gave a hum and nodded.

 

“It's fun at times, yeah. Though they won't be needing me much longer.” It was a passing comment, and vague, but it made Eirdhava perked up. Another mission, maybe?

 

“Why not? Deshanna sending you on another mission?” She queried, and Adrith paused.

 

“Sort of. I'm coming with you back to Ferelden.” The way the words left were so casual, and said with such a finality. Any sleep in Eirdhava's system was immediately gone.

 

“Wait, what? Adrith, you can't just come back to Ferelden out of nowhere. What about the clan and-” Eirdhava began to immediately protest, only to be cut off by Adrith.

 

“You can't change my mind. I've already decided. Besides, the clan is plenty big. They don't need me. Plus, I'd rather not send you back there. You need someone you know and trust, Da Era'lan. The shemlen don't offer that to you,” Adrith stated firmly. Eirdhava frowned. Sure, she and Adrith had been inseparable since their childhood, but there was so much danger waiting back with the Inquisition. Yet, Adrith was stubborn, and wouldn't see past what he wanted. All she could do was accept it and try to keep him safe.

 

“Fine. I know I can't stop you, Da Fen. Just don't get yourself hurt,” Eirdhava murmured, letting her body slump against the taller elf once more. It would be nice to have her best friend back with her, though. It'd been so long since they'd been able to spend time together and cause chaos. Then again, the older they got, the more serious they usually needed to be.

 

“Now would I ever go and get myself hurt?” He mused, humor lacing his voice as he chuckled. She smiled, shaking her head.

 

“Of course you wouldn't. You need to get some sleep if we're to go anywhere. Rest well and be ready in the morning,” Eirdhava finally said. Adrith nodded, pressing his face to the top of her head affectionately, before getting up. She watched him disappear to his aravel, before letting herself get up, searching out her own aravel. Might as well get one last bit of rest in her home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I'm so glad that I got that through! The next chapter should be exciting but angsty! Also how about some Cullen/Eirdhava moving on from their past? Of course, there's gonna have to be more character relationship build up _Everywhere_! Look forward to my next chapter!
> 
> Elven translations:  
> Lethal'len - "Clanmate"  
> Da Fen - "little wolf". A playful endearment between close friends, used for those who are the same age or older. Eirdhava's nickname for Adrith.  
> Da Era'lan - "little dreamer" (feminine). Endearment between friends, used for someone who has a tendency to have many dreams, some being extremely ambitious. Adrith's nickname for Eirdhava.


	5. In His Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eirdhava always hated rifts, and now she only hates them more. Exposed to the true destruction the Anchor could cause, she seems to both mourn and be even angrier. Nothing was going the way it should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I'm always busy with things, and my emotional state also hasn't been the best so sometimes writing is hard. Nonetheless, here's yet another 3000+ word chapter! Enjoy!
> 
> Wondering what Adrith looks like? Click [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BgeMi96Hv9d/) to see a headshot of him drawn by my friend!  
> [Eirdhava Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)

 

The morning was cool, as most tended to be in the Free Marches, light pouring through the small window in Eirdhava's aravel. She groaned, stirring and wishing for sleep but knowing it wouldn't come. There was too much to do today, her mind already working. She sat up tiredly, fur blanket pooling at her waist. Right. She had to go back to Haven to prepare for a journey to the Hinterlands. At least this time she'd have Adrith at her side. The thought made a smile tug at her lips. It was nice to have the grey-haired elf at her side again. With a newfound excitement, it was easy to pull herself up and out of the bed, grabbing her blanket and folding it. It was her favorite blanket, she couldn't exactly bring herself to leave it.

 

She walked outside, the camp stirring with the beginnings of a busy day. Children were eating their breakfasts, and hunters discussed things to do. It was normal for her, routine. It made Eirdhava's heart pang slightly with a wish she knew would be unfulfilled. She knew she had to return to where she belonged for now, she couldn't afford to linger. She turned from her clan, moving towards where she could see Cullen and Cassandra gearing up their mounts. She simply tucked the blanket with her horse, gently stroking the soft brown fur.

 

“Eirdhava,” Cassandra greeted shortly with a nod. Eirdhava returned it, softly muttering her name. She wasn't close with Cassandra, and she was unsure she would be. They both were a bit too headstrong for that. She'd learned to hold her acquaintance at a respectable distance, and didn't wish for more.

 

“Morning, Eirdhava. Sleep well?” Cullen's greeting was next, making Eirdhava hum softly, glancing over her shoulder to look at the Commander.

 

“Morning, Commander. It's my home, of course I slept well.” Her gaze returned to the horse, stroking down his neck a few times before she stepped back. She turned to the two humans, taking in Cullen's furrowed brows at the slight hostility in her tone. As if he expected everything to be fixed after their talk yesterday. Cassandra just seemed restless, ready to leave.

 

“We can leave in a moment. I should retrieve Solas, as well as Adrith,” She stated casually, but the remark made Cassandra's eyebrows lower.

 

“Adrith? Why would you need to get him?” She cocked her head, seemingly uneasy.

 

“He's coming with us,” Eirdhava stated plainly. Her gaze lingered on Cassandra, daring her to argue, before moving towards Cullen. His eyebrows were furrowed, a frown on his lips. Was it because Adrith was a mage just as Eirdhava? She wouldn't put it past him.

 

“Do we really need someone else?” He finally countered. Eirdhava sighed heavily. Creators give her patience with this man so she didn't kill him one day.

 

“You wanted numbers, didn't you? I have brought you someone new under the Inquisition banner.” Her arms crossed over her chest, annoyance beginning to mark her face.

 

“Yes, but, how do you know he'll benefit us? He didn't exactly seem the fondest of just us.”

 

“He's my best friend, Commander. I know what he's capable of, and I promise he will benefit us. If you are wary of him being a mage, rest assured he relies more on his daggers than his magic,” Eirdhava all but growled with her eyes narrowed. A heavy sigh fell from Cassandra.

 

“Will you two ever get along? Cullen, just last night you were-” The woman started but Cullen quickly cut her off.

 

“Not another word, Cassandra. If we get along, we get along. If not, nothing will be negatively impacted.” Cassandra's words had left Eirdhava confused. What was Cullen doing last night that he apparently didn't want Eirdhava to know about? She didn't have time to ponder it, though. She huffed, turning around without another word. First she'd find Solas, then Adrith. Finding Solas wasn't hard at least, most of the clan willing to point them in his direction. He was crouching in front of Ivuna, a small smile on his face as she played with the jawbone necklace. She seemed to be excitedly rambling about some happening in the camp, which Solas was nodding to attentively. Eirdhava stood to the side, admiring the site for a few moments. It was heartwarming in a way. She supposed she didn't have any true idea as to how Solas would handle kids, but it seemed to be flawless.

 

Dragging herself from her admiration of the pair, she walked forwards, crouching beside Solas. “Ivuna, Solas and I need to get going. We've got things to do and a world to save. Why don't you go play with some of the others?” She muttered softly, causing wide brown eyes to find her, an adorable pout on her round features.

 

“But... I wanna keep talkin' to you and Solas and Cullen!” She declared, making Eirdhava laugh softly.

 

“We need to go or else we'll run out of stories to tell you.” Eirdhava explained, only making Ivuna's pout grow. She seemed to hesitate in front of the two elves, before finally letting go of Solas' necklace and running off in the direction of some of the other kids. Luckily she never seemed too concerned over when Eirdhava left, even though she might not return.

 

“Children are full of such curiosity, I often wonder where it goes when they grow up,” Solas pondered aloud, standing up to his full height and holding out a hand for Eirdhava. She took it, letting him help her to her feet and offering a small smile.

 

“Curiosity often leads to several problems, and they associate curiosity with bad things. Ivuna has always been more curious than she should be,” Eirdhava was quietly musing, eyes focused on the direction the small elf had run, a look of fondness in her eyes. She caught brief sight of another smile on Solas' face, seemingly directed at her.

 

“We should be heading off, shouldn't we?” He proposed, making the white-haired elf hum. She glanced at their hands, completely forgetting she was still holding onto the man's, making her let go of it.

 

“You can go join Cassandra and the Commander, I have some business to finish up first.” Her voice was higher in pitch, giving away her embarrassment, just like the heat on her cheeks did. Amusement glittered in Solas' eyes, though he simply nodded with a soft chuckle. Eirdhava watched him walk off, before she changed her path as well to go find Adrith. She forced the red in her cheeks to calm, grumbling to herself about being flustered over something so small. She shook her head, searching around for the grey-haired elf. Luckily he wasn't too incredibly hard to find, standing in front of the Keeper, quietly exchanging words. Deshanna sighed, before nodding slowly. Eirdhava could only assume it was about Adrith's departure.

 

“Do keep an eye on him, Da'len,” Deshanna called out, getting Eirdhava's attention. She chuckled, glancing over at Adrith who simply rolled his eyes.

 

“I'll try my best, keeper. Hopefully I'll be back soon. Keep the clan healthy. May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent,” She muttered as she hugged the older woman, who smiled softly, lingering in the embrace.

 

“And may he never catch yours. Take care of yourselves.” Eirdhava and Adrith simply nodded, taking a few steps away, before Eirdhava was looking up at Adrith with a grin.

 

“So, how long until you get yourself into trouble?” She teased, nudging his side with her elbow. He nudged back, giving another roll of his eyes.

 

“A better question is how long until you drag me into trouble?” He shot back, making Eirdhava wrinkle her nose in distaste.

 

“It's always you dragging me into trouble, Adrith, don't put the blame on me! You're the reason I have this scar!” Eirdhava pouted at the older elf, dramatically motioning to the scar on her left cheek.

 

“I'm not the one who gave it to you! You're the one who got too close to a Shade. I just told you where they were and we should fight them.” Adrith was holding his hands up in front of him, orange eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

“I was twelve, why did we even think that was a good idea?” She complained, rubbing her forehead.

 

“We wanted to be heroic. Besides, at least we match because of that.” He grinned, pointing to his own scar which ran from the middle of his left cheek to just below his lip. She couldn't help but smile, shaking her head as they walked. They arrived where Solas, Cassandra, and Cullen were waiting, their smiles falling as they approached the horse. Eirdhava hefted herself up, holding a hand out to help Adrith settle behind her.

 

“Well, let's get back to Haven,” She sighed, gripping the reins and digging her heels into the side of the horse to get it to go forward. The rest of her companions quickly followed.

 

* * *

 

The ride through the Free Marches had been relatively calm, Eirdhava and Adrith talking about their past experiences together, or about what the older elf should expect for when they got to Haven. Sometimes Solas would ride next to the pair, telling them his own stories about the Fade. Adrith was wary of Solas, as to be expected, but was overall appreciative of his stories. Getting back into Ferelden was tiring, honestly. Eirdhava hated the ships more than she did horses, and she was far from fond of the horses. Being back on the solid ground was comforting, though, and she was eager to just get going. Her horse walked slowly beside Solas', the mage once more telling stories.

 

“I met a kind spirit once, who watched the village girls dream when love began to make appearances in the adolescence. With subtlety, she would steer these girls to the village boys with gentle hearts, the ones who would return their love with gentle kindness. I called her the Matchmaker. That village was happy, yet never knew it's luck,” Solas told the story of another spirit he had met, and a small smile graced Eirdhava's lips.

 

“There's so many kind spirits out there, I wish they weren't all seen so negatively like people want to make them out to be. They just want to help,” She sighed softly, glancing over to Solas, who gave her a highly approving look.

 

“Yet that doesn't stop them from being corrupted, and becoming demons,” Adrith added on, sounding almost disgruntled by the praise the two gave spirits.

 

“Only because people force them out of their safe homes and expose them to their own malicious intents.” Solas easily defended. Eirdhava couldn't help but give a thoughtful hum, nodding along.

 

“While demons certainly are bad, they didn't always start as demons. Just like a bad person doesn't always start as a bad person. They're exposed to things that aren't their own nature and thing tend to go-” Eirdhava started to explain. She'd listened to Solas plenty to form her own opinion on the matter of spirits and demons. Her words, however, were cut short by a pained hiss due to the Anchor flaring up, green tendrils claiming more of her palm. That could only mean there was a rift nearby, and everyone's eyes searched the surrounding area.

 

“Over there,” Eirdhava clarified, pointing in the direction she knew the rift was in. She could hear the singing and the pull of the Fade.

 

“So you... regularly fight these demons,” Adrith muttered slowly, fidgeting as they moved towards the rift. Eirdhava simply nodded, jumping down from her horse, the rest of her companions following. Cullen and Cassandra readied their swords and shields, while Solas and Eirdhava drew their staves. Adrith pulled out his daggers, and in just a few moments, the first wave of demons exploded from the rift. Chaos immediately broke lose, Cassandra and Cullen charging the front lines, while Solas and Eirdhava kept their distance, casting their spells. Adrith was luckily quick and stealthy, managing to sneak around and cut down any of the ones that lingered on the outskirts of the battle. Their bodies dissipated as usual, and the rift clicked and roared to life once more, more demons pushing at it to break through. The second wave was practically identical to the first, and they managed to make it through relatively similar to the first as well.

 

Eirdhava was reluctant to close the rift, not really wishing to feel the pain that could only be described as having her arm pulled off. She screwed her eyes shut, arm lifting so the connection would be made. However, just before the connection was made, there was something similar to the feeling of an impact, the sensation traveling up her arm. Her eyes snapped open, just briefly enough to see what had happened. The connection between rift and Anchor had, in a way, been interrupted, practically tearing through the right side of Adrith's face. Before the horror could register, pain shot through Eirdhava's arm, eyes screwing shut once more. She could feel the skin on her hand rip, and something about this hurt more. Maybe because Adrith was now involved. It took a handful of moments before with a low hum, the rift snapped closed. Eirdhava's knees hit the ground, and the faint sound of Adrith's body hitting the ground could be heard as well. She clutched her left wrist, keeping the pained tears from spilling. She'd never get used to the pain that came with the Anchor.

 

“You need to get up, Eirdhava. Your friend...” Cassandra's thick accent was what had pulled her from her mind. Adrith. Oh, Creators, not Adrith. In an instant she was scrambling to her feet, dashing to the elf's fallen body. Solas was crouched next to him, checking vitals as Eirdhava collapsed beside him. His face twitched every so often, the right side of his face marred by green. His eyes were open, unfocused but confused, the right eye a lighter orange and the pupil green.

 

“He's okay, isn't he?” Eirdhava forced out the words, obviously trying to not cry. Solas pressed a hand to the right side of his face, letting his magic close the tears in his flesh caused by the mark. She watched, looking between him and her best friend.

 

“He should be. There may be lasting damage. We'll have to wait to make sure he is fine mentally, but physically the only problem will be his eye,” Solas said, pulling his hand away. The damage was mostly fixed, luckily, except for his eye. She took a shaking breath, watching the elf's eyes flutter shut, incoherent words falling from his lips.

 

“Back to Haven, no stops,” Eirdhava said flatly, leaning down and scooping Adrith off the ground. She glanced at Cullen and Cassandra, the former offering a sympathetic look while Cassandra offered pity. Solas walked with her, helping her adjust Adrith's unconscious body so that it rested against her front.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the journey had been made in silence, Eirdhava hardly seeming to be there fully. She had clearly been beating herself up over Adrith's injury, the guilt eating away at her. He didn't wake up often, and when he did he seemed scatter brained. Solas mainly took care of him, Eirdhava seeming to avoid him the moment he was conscious. When they arrived to Haven, she placed him in her cabin, and spent extended amounts of time there.

 

“It isn't worth beating yourself up over, da'len,” Solas said one day, placing a hand on Eirdhava's shoulder. She was in a chair by Adrith, watching him breathe, as if it would be the only thing to keep her sane. She hardly ever left the cabin unless Adrith was awake.

 

“I did this, though. He could have serious brain damage and it's my fault,” Her voice was hoarse, giving away the fact she had probably spent countless hours crying. Her gaze abandoned Adrith to look at Solas, guilt swimming in her eyes.

 

“You could not have prevented it. Things sometimes play out in far from favorable ways. Do not let it get to you,” Solas advised, reaching up and swiping away a stray tear on Eirdhava's face. She frowned, but nodded, looking down slightly.

 

“It doesn't make the guilt go away. What if he hates me?” Eirdhava felt exposed, but she trusted Solas enough to give her needed advice and not speak word of this.

 

“He is your best friend, I find it hard to believe he would hate you over something no one could have stopped. Accidents happen,” He comforted her readily, his gaze falling on the unconscious elf in front of them. His eye was bandaged, and he looked worn, but his current state would cause that. He stirred in his rest, mumbled elvhen leaving his lips. Eirdhava sat rigid, immediately moving to leave. Solas had seen it too many times, and for once intervened, keeping her in the chair.

 

“Talk to him, da'len. I'm sure you'll find your mind more at ease if you do.” He insisted, and Eirdhava watched helplessly as Solas left the cabin. She turned her gaze back to Adrith, who was clearly beginning to wake. Her heart clenched, uncertainty creeping on her as she watched. Finally, his left eye opened, slowly and carefully, focusing on Eirdhava.

 

“Da Era'lan?” Adrith's voice cracked, but he pushed himself up slightly. Eirdhava was quick to look down at her own hands, twisting a lock of hair around her fingers. A nervous habit she'd picked up.

 

“Adrith,” She breathed softly, eyes flickering up to look at him for a brief moment, before falling once more. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I don't like staying in bed, and I'm hungry. I want real food, not the mush your friend keeps giving me.” Even with an injury, he still managed to keep his humor, and Eirdhava appreciated that.

 

“I can talk to him about that. What all do you remember about....” She trailed off, not knowing how to word it. Adrith furrowed his eyebrow, clearly thinking.

 

“We were... fighting demons, and we had just finished. There was... green. Pain. A lot of pain. I could hear... a song of sorts, I think. That's the last thing that I remember clearly. What happened?” His words were slow, carefully chosen. If it weren't for the guilt tearing away at Eirdhava's insides, she would have sighed in relief. He seemed to be fine mentally. That was plenty for her.

 

“When I close rifts... once the connection process starts it can't stop. It also hurts me a lot, so I closed my eyes to try and ground myself. You... got in the way, I suppose. The connection went right through your skull,” She whispered, choking up on the last few words. She didn't see it herself, but she could imagine it and it was awful. A few hot tears fell from her eyes, sliding down her face. Not willing to have Adrith see her cry or beat herself up over it, she nearly rocketed out of her chair.

 

“Eirdhava-” Adrith started, clearly startled by the movement as she turned her back to him.

 

“I'll talk to Solas about getting you some actual food,” She muttered, quickly and quietly sliding out of the cabin, going to find the other elf.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm rather glad with how this chapter turned out. Not my best work, especially because it took me several days to actually write it. My roommates have a habit of dragging me away from my work the moment I start actually working, so that makes the chapters take longer. Nonetheless, I should have at least one chapter out roughly each week if things go my way. Sometimes multiple chapters will be uploaded. We'll see!


	6. A God's Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eirdhava has never felt more abandoned by the Creators than she does now. Why is she subjected to endure such destruction? She watches her relationships crumble and get worse, before beginning to slowly find the answers she was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took wayyyy too long, sorry >_< I recently got a job so finding time to work isn't always easy. Anyways, here this next chapter is! I'm trying to start working with relationships between characters, so these next few chapters might drag some.
> 
> Wondering what Adrith looks like? Click [here](https://www.instagram.com/p/BgeMi96Hv9d/) to see a headshot of him drawn by my friend!  
> [Eirdhava Reference](https://inaylalinyah.deviantart.com/art/Extended-Eirdhava-Lavellan-Reference-733050299)

Eirdhava had gone to Solas, keeping her head dipped down to hide her tears as she repeated Adrith's request for real food. Solas had hesitated, clearly wanting to console Eirdhava but being unsure how to do so. He had simply agreed, reaching out and smoothing her hair down some in a gesture of comfort before walking away. Eirdhava was having trouble placing what she felt. Guilt and anger were the main ones. Guilty because she had done this, she had caused Adrith to go through this. She was also angry at herself because of that. She had done it. She deserved whatever she would get. Yet, she was also angry at the Creators. Where had they been? Had they abandoned her so, determined to see her down a path of destruction? Had they tossed her down from their sights, practically throwing her at Fen'Harel's feet so that he could make her go through things she never wished?

 

In that moment, she despised the Creators, despised that they had not saved her from the Conclave, despised they had not been kind enough to help Adrith. They were cruel. Eirdhava, in that moment, knew exactly what she needed. These intense emotions were best dealt with violence, and she knew where to go for that. The tears were still streaming down her face as she turned on her heel, practically storming through Haven. She shoved past people, heading through the front gates, eyes zeroing in on the group of training soldiers. There.

 

“Cullen!” She called out, weaving her way through the soldiers, light on her feet. The clamor was loud, but she paid it no mind. Her focus was their Commander, who she came to a stop in front of. He turned, glancing down at her with a furrowed brow. She imagined she was quite the sight with tears streaming down her face and bags beneath her eyes. Her fists clenched, waiting for him to say something, anything.

 

“Can I help you, Eirdhava?” He finally broke the silence. She only glowered at him, a heavy breath leaving her through her nose. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a few of the soldiers sending the pair wary looks, and she supposed she was sending out an aura that was far from inviting.

 

“Fight me,” Eirdhava ground out blandly. This only caused the crease in his forehead to deepen, trying to piece together why she wanted to fight him, especially in her emotional state. It wouldn't have been the first time. In Kirkwall she had a nasty habit of hunting the templar down in the Gallows just to throw punches at him with tears streaming down her face. She had developed a bad habit over the years of making Cullen her emotional punching back.

 

Her patience was growing thin, though, and her face twisted in clear agitation. “I said fight me!” She shouted, voice cracking with the raised volume.

 

“Eirdhava, I have to train the troops, I can't just-” Cullen started, clearly exasperated.

 

The words didn't help, and he was only cut off by Eirdhava's voice raising again. “I said fight me! I don't want you to talk to me or lecture me, fight me!” She practically screamed, raising her fist and not hesitating to slam it into Cullen's chest. The impact of her skin hitting the metal sent a dull ache ricocheting up her arm, but was largely ignored, her left hand coming up to join it. Several of the surrounding soldiers had stopped their training, turning to stare at their commander and Eirdhava in confusion.

 

“I didn't say stop training! Get back to it, or else you'll die on the battlefield!” Cullen spat at the troops, who immediately scrambled to resume their work. His attention immediately returned to the elf in front of him, who hit his chest a few more times, hoping to get a reaction from him. A gloved hand seized her right wrist as she attempted to bring it down on his chest again, keeping it in a vice grip. Without a word he dragged her away from the soldiers and towards the small cliff near the frozen lake, giving them minor privacy. She was forced to stop in front of him, his hand still holding her wrist.

 

“I don't know what in the name of the Maker has gotten into you, but you need to snap out of it. Fighting me isn't going to solve whatever problems you've got going on. It never did in the past, and it's not going to now.” Cullen seethed at her, making guilt only prick her more.

 

“How do you know it didn't help me in the past? You don't know anything! You think you do, but you don't!” Eirdhava retorted, pulling at her wrist.

 

“Because violence doesn't help. It might distract you but it won't help.” The way he was speaking to her reminded her so much of a parent scolding a toddler, and it only made the tears flow more. She hated this. She felt helpless and she wanted to do something, and physical exertion had always helped in the past. Why not now?

 

“I need to focus on something else, I need to,” She started, a hiccup from her cries interrupting her words before she continued, “I need to feel the physical pain. I hate having to feel all this internal pain and I need to do something.” She knew it wasn't healthy, but it was a habit that was hard to break. Even in her adolescence, when she was stressed or overwhelmed emotionally, she would spar with Adrith until some of the emotions calmed.

 

“So you choose to come fight me. Out of everyone in the village of Haven.” Cullen was definitely far from amused, but at least he wasn't angry.

 

“You're the easiest to fight. We have a past that's... It makes it easier to make the anger at myself be focused on you,” She muttered, tilting her head down. She could feel his gaze weighing down on her heavily, and the gazes of several others as well.

 

“Maybe another time I would indulge you, but currently I can't. You can fight one of the soldiers, or you can find something else to do. I have to train these soldiers or else they'll never be ready, I can't spend time fighting you,” He said, finality clear in his voice. He wouldn't let her argue. His grip on her wrist had finally loosened, and she fought to keep herself from falling to the ground in a sobbing mess. How she just wanted to lay there and cry and scream, curse the world and the Creators. That would be such a weak display, though, and she'd already given off one that wasn't quite impressionable. The two stared at each other for several more heartbeats before she turned on her heel, storming towards the training soldiers. Several of them practically yelped and made effort to get out of her way, a clear path forming for her. She veered to left, following the path and pushing her way into the trees.

 

The sounds of the soldiers training faded into the distance, leaving Eirdhava to focus on the cold surrounding her and the wind rustling the trees. Quiet. It was quiet and peaceful, and for that she was glad. She stopped in front of a tree, staring at the bark, as if trying to memorize the patterns. Her fingers rose to brush over it, feeling each and every ridge. Finally, she pulled her hand away, only for it to coat itself in flames and form a fist, slamming into the tree. It seemed to groan in protest as the flames licked at the bark, but not lingering enough to let it catch fire. There was a charred indent in the tree now, and it served to relieve some of the tension coiling inside her. Not enough, though.

 

Stupid Conclave, stupid creators, stupid anchor. Eirdhava should have never stepped a foot back into Ferelden. Maybe it would have even been for the best if Deshanna hadn't found her after all. She just caused destruction, and she was just being blamed for it. Even when it wasn't her fault. Unable to stop herself, a choked sob escaped her lips as she finally let herself crumple into a pile in the snow. She hadn't asked for this, nor had she wanted it. She had already helped save Thedas once, with the Fifth Blight, and that had left such scarring on both her mind and body. Why had she been the one to survive the conclave? Why not someone else. She brought a hand to her mouth to muffle her sobs, the other hand clenching the cloth of her tunic.

 

She wanted to run. She didn't want this responsibility, the one where the world was literally relying on her. She wasn't ready for this again. She had no say though. If she ran, the world would pretty much get swallowed by the Breach. She also didn't doubt that Leliana would hunt her down and force her hand. Still, the idea had appeal, yet she couldn't see her entire world get destroyed because of a selfish decision. Even if she was cursed by the gods, all she could do was live with it. It didn't prevent her from wanting to disappear into the snow beneath her. Perhaps the ground would open and swallow her just as the sky threatened to do.

 

Eirdhava was pulled out of her thoughts, finally, by a warm hand on her shoulder. She bristled, ready to bluff that she had been out in the woods crying. Until she looked up and saw Solas looking at her with worry in his eyes. She could trust the mage. “Come, da'len. It's not wise to spend your energy and emotions out here in the cold alone.” His voice was gentle, and it took the other elf a few moments to finally nod, taking a few moments to push herself off the ground. Solas reached out to help her, keeping her steady. He cast a glance towards the charred tree, before returning his attention to the road in front of them.

 

“You do not have to handle this alone. There are those who will listen and help, if you will let them. I can offer that, if it would help,” Solas broke their silence, walking slowly along the path beside Eirdhava. The words caused warmth to spread through her body, her cheeks flushing. She was thankful they were already flushed from crying and the cold. It was nice to hear those words.

 

“I... don't know what to say. Thank you, Solas,” She softly responded, turning to look at him with a feeble smile. He returned it with his own, accompanied by a nod. Eirdhava's attention briefly cut to Cullen as they passed the area, and there was a fraction of a second where their eyes connected before Eirdhava adverted her attention.

 

“It is of no problem to me, Eirdhava. You should take a break, though. Come, I know how to help.” Something about the way her name fell from Solas' lips made a smile spread across Eirdhava's own. She simply nodded, letting the elf lead her back into Haven. Rather than taking a left towards her cabin- the one Adrith currently used- he took her to the right. This was where he stayed, was it not? She peeked in the open door of the Singing Maiden, watching a few of the men inside laugh and drink, while the woman inside sang songs. They carried on for a while, before Solas pushed open the door to a cabin, ushering Eirdhava in and closing it behind her.  
  
“I need you to trust me. Lay down and sleep.” The words startled Eirdhava, and her gaze cut back and forth between the elf and the bed he had motioned to. This sounded suspicious.

 

“What are you going to do?” Wary words left her mouth before she could stop them, though she did move towards the bed, sitting down on the edge. Her gaze followed Solas as he moved to sit in a nearby chair.

 

“Nothing for you to worry about. I'll be sleeping too, if that eases your mind,” He clarified. Eirdhava hesitated before nodding, shifting to lay down, sleep eagerly taking her emotionally exhausted body.

 

* * *

 

When everything came into focus, she wasn't in Haven. She was... in a camp site. A familiar one. She marveled it, eyes wide. She never thought she'd be here again. She walked around slowly, fingers brushing over the cloth of the tents.

 

“This place holds such importance to you, doesn't it?” A voice called out, making her startle. Eirdhava glanced over her shoulder, taking note of the elf's presence.

 

“It does. This is where I spent most of my nights with Novia while we fought the Fifth Blight. I learned to love here,” She easily reminisced, well aware that Solas was listening to each and every word. “I learned how to fight in certain aspects, and I learned that humans weren't bad. Funny, that ten years later humans have given me pause, a reason to hate them.”

 

“It is easier to hate a group than it is an individual.” He mused softly, watching Eirdhava settle herself down by the fire, running her fingers along the wooden logs that served as seats. Solas came to sit beside her, gazing at the flickering flames with a thoughtful hum.

 

“This place holds so many good memories, but even then I was young, remembering the bad would be hard. The only bad thing that happened here was...” Eirdhava trailed off, shutting her eyes. A hand found her shoulder, gently squeezing and keeping her grounded in the present.

 

“Perhaps we should go somewhere else then,” Solas proposed after a few heartbeats, Eirdhava finally opening her eyes. She paused, looking around them at the campsite. Maybe she'd be able to visit again and experience some of the nicer memories. Her eyes once more found Solas as she gave a subtle nod. The elf stood up, holding a hand out for her which she gladly took, allowing him to pull her up. He didn't say much as they walked, pulling Eirdhava along by her hand. They walked through the trees, the landscape shifting around them before they came to a field. The aravels immediately gave away the fact that this was the clan camp they had only just come back from. Eirdhava's eyes turned to look at Solas suspiciously, a frown on her face.

 

“This place is your home. It is where you grew up, and came to be yourself. It is where you learned. I find places like this are often more calming than anything,” He explained, and Eirdhava simply nodded.

 

“I suppose so. I learned a lot here, and it has always been my home... Did you know I don't even belong to this clan? I wasn't born Dalish,” She started, her hand slipping out of Solas'. She walked through the camp, fingers brushing along the wooden tables littered with daggers and Ironbark. “I was told I was more than likely born the child of a Dalish elf and a city elf. My mother was... ashamed, I suppose, to have that cross between Dalish and City. I was abandoned in the woods near the Tevinter border. It was winter. My mother left me to die. It was with great luck that I was found by the clan. I believe it was Mythal who protected me and guided my future clan to me.”

 

Eirdhava glanced over her shoulder, taking note of the way Solas listened intently. He wasn't going to let a single word pass by him. “I'm glad they found me. They taught me to be who I am. I was guided and raised, no one ever mentioned my birth until I became Second to the Keeper. It is for that, I am grateful. They have shown me love and compassion, loyalty and trust. Things I no longer expect to find beyond this camp.”

 

“It is where you met Adrith,” Solas added, coming to stand beside Eirdhava. A pang shot through her chest at the mention of his name, a sad smile on her face.

 

“Yes, it is here I became friends with Eshtarylin,” She murmured. She rarely used the elf's elvhen name, but in this moment of reminiscing, it was easier to use it. “He was a spitfire when he was younger. Perhaps that is why his name is what it is. Child of the storm... unpredictable and intense. Yet not always bad. We were inseparable.” She looked over to Solas, who simply kept quiet, like he was waiting for her to say something in particular. He was waiting for her to talk things out with herself.

 

“We got into endless amounts of trouble. A dangerous duo. There was one time, when I was twelve, he found demons outside our camp. I had no idea what I was doing, but let him drag me to it anyways. 'To defend the clan!' he said. We nearly died, and it's the reason we both have scars on our faces,” Eirdhava mumbled wistfully, tilting her head back to look at the sky.

 

“It was your first scrape with death together, and I have a feeling it won't be your last. You could have pushed him away, for getting you almost killed,” Solas offered, making Eirdhava stop in her tracks. Thinking about it, he was right. Adrith had felt bad after that, since he had roped Eirdhava into doing it. Yet she didn't seem bothered by it at all back then. Was that how things were now, but in reverse? Her gaze fell to Solas, who was looking at her with a knowing look.

 

“I didn't though, I loved him too much to even imagine it. It was just something to learn from.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, eyes bright with understanding. Solas had a weird way of working, but she was thankful for it. Glad he had figured out a way to lay things out for her. “Thank you, Solas,” She thanked him softly, a smile on her face.

 

“It is not a problem. It was best that I helped,” Solas replied, nodding slightly with his own smile. Eirdhava leaned against the table behind her, arms over her chest as Solas took one last look around, before turning around and disappearing. She watched him until he could no longer be seen, eyes once more finding the sky. Now she'd just have to fix the mess she'd created with Adrith. A problem for tomorrow, she supposed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter finished! This was originally supposed to be longer, but it felt left better here. My updates are going to get more infrequent, seeing as I work most days of the week. I'll try my best, though! Thank you for continuing to read!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Any kudos and feedback is appreciated! I'll try to have the next chapter up soon~


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